Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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