You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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