NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
