Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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