haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
