OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
