So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
