i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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