I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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