not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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