apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
