I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She swung at the pinata with crutches
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
