I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
