she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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