I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
