i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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