You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
