Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He felt like a one man threesome
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's official drugs can't kill me
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
