I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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