yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Buhtt sex?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
