so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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