i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize