Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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