After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
