So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
