wat bout pragnant strippers??
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
