Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
