At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
