I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
