Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
