grandma shit on top of the toilet
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
