chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
