I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
