Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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