Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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