I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
