I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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