I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
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not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
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Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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