Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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