OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
