I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
