My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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