Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize