im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
