oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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