The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
