I could make wine with my vomit
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize