my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
