I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
