is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
