I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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