She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
