He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
