We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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