There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
