Dignity is for republicans.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
