that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
