I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
