It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
