So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
