You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
