well I can't set my house on fire every night
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
