Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
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How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize