Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
