do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
