Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
